Tuesday, May 8, 2012
It has been a little while since I have wrote, and it is funny how a short amount of time your frame of mind and hopes and dreams and moods and friends and everything changes. I turned twenty years old, which is so bizarre to me. I know that in the aspect of my life to come, I have a long future ahead of me. But when I picture myself, the little girl with a big imagination doesn't seem so far away. Perhaps it is because I keep her tucked away, near and dear to my heart...or perhaps its because that is who I will always be- a little girl with a big imagination. Either way, I'm thankful for her because she is who pushes me to follow my dreams and not give up on them. She is the spontaneous one, the one with the crazy ideas that have, at times, gotten me a little in over my head. She is the one who gets lost in book after book, and sees her life in a certain, perfect way. On the other end of the spectrum of my heart, there is the cautious, realistic me. She is the one who questions, who excruciatingly over-analyzes everything. She balances, humbles, reasons with me. She is the one who tells me that I need to be better, to grow up faster. I suppose that I am thankful for both, they form me. They are who I have always been. As I am approaching my third year of college, and am miserably taking summer classes (thanks realistic me!) I have been thinking about my future- in all ways. I have been back and forth with majors, with friends, with attitudes. But something always stays the same, I have always loved to write. It is a way that I have always been able to express my feelings in ways that make sense to me. When I was a little girl, and I would play house or be playing with my barbies I would always choose one career to make-believe for myself...I was a journalist from a big city. Well things have changed, my world has changed, and I may never live in a big city, like New York or Chicago...but I know that my one true love is writing, and I want to share that with others. It is such a huge step, choosing your career. It is a scary step. But I'm confident that this is what I want to do, and that is truly the greatest feeling to have. While making this decision, I've also found other things that are important to me. I know that I want to be there for my boyfriend, while he grows into a man that I have become so proud of. I know that I want to be there for those friends that I can truly call my best friends, and grow with them and learn with them and laugh with them. I know that I want to be there for my family, to remain a strong support system, to be there for my sister when she has my niece or nephew, and to love that little baby unconditionally. Life is stressful sometimes, and sometimes it all feels too overwhelming, but those two little girls still living in my heart won't let me give up. I'm happy, for all the little and big things in my life and I'm thankful for all of the little miracles in life. Maybe it is just the summer sun messing with my head, making me this crazy, happy person...but I feel lucky and loved and ready for the future...and that is a nice feeling to have.